I always used to have this idea in my head of what the perfect wife would look like. I have compared myself time after time to my friends who seem to be doing it all gracefully. I have looked to The Bible over and over, and felt like I would never measure up or compare to this picture perfect Proverbs 31 wife. But today, God showed me this scripture through a different set of eyes. This read is for all those mommas and wives who more often than not, feel like they are not measuring up, feel so often like they are doing their best, but their best still isn't enough. Read on for hope.
I showed up at work today angry. My husband and I had just finished one of those fights that originally started out as stupid, but then just continued to escalate until neither of us could even stand to be in the same room.
I came into work with the wrong attitude. Before proceeding with work, I knew what I needed to do.
You know those times when you are just so angry. The last thing you want to do is pray or read your Bible.
But, I knew what I needed to do, so I did it reluctantly.
I started with a prayer sounding something similar to "God, can you please just change my husband?".
Anybody said those words before? I have probably more times than I can count in 11 years.
But Lord knows, He wasn't going to leave me there this morning. He wanted to work on me, not my husband.
After a few minutes of praying my temperature started to decrease and my face wasn't as blood shot with anger anymore. And then I asked "God, what do you want me to learn today?". And then I turned my Bible to Proverbs 31.
This is a scripture that is very well known to most, the scripture of the virtuous wife, worth far more than rubies. Over my life time, I have revisited this scripture often. I also often leave it feeling like there is no way I can measure up. There is no way I can become all of these things. As I was reading, I was still looking for things about my husband. I was trying to find things that would maybe justify my feelings. Something like, "he must love her well and put her first and then she can become all these things." Unfortunately, I didn't find it. I found nothing that said that once he started doing his part, then I could start doing mine.
So God reminded me this morning that there's nothing in scripture that says once he starts loving me better than I can respect him more. It's my duty to "bring him good, not harm" as verse 12 says. Whether I feel like it or not, it's my job to bring him good. Whether he is reciprocating love or not, it's my job to bring him good.
When I imagine in my head the perfect Proverbs 31 wife, I imagine a woman who is home all day taking care of the kids, cleaning up the house, cooking dinner, and greeting her husband happily when he walks in the door. I don't know why this is the version of the perfect wife I see. The Bible doesn't say that, but for some reason that's how my mind always pictures it. Maybe society has sort of made women feel like this is how it should be. Maybe it's because I struggle with mom guilt. I often feel like because I am not home with my child I am not being the best mom I can. Maybe it's because many of my friends are stay at home moms, who homeschool their 3-5 kids, and have a lovely dinner on the table more nights than not.
Me on the other hand. I have one child and am barely keeping my head above water. I run a business and am considering taking on a second one. I am often in constant cray-cray mode. My house looks like a war zone more often than not. And cooking...what's that? Greeting my husband at the door rarely happens, because did I mention he is a business owner as well? We are hardly ever home at the same time.
*Side note: I want to stop right here and say that this blog is not about saying that any way is right or wrong. To the mom that home schools, that is amazing. You are doing the hardest job of all and you are a freaking rockstar. To the woman like me who thrives at work and has an entrepreneur spirit, stop feeling bad for working. There's nothing wrong with being a working mom. This blog is not to bash any mother or wife, but to say that what God has put in your heart to do is specifically for you and you have to do that to the best of your ability.
As I was reading Proverbs 31 today, God reminded me that my duty is not to change my husband, but instead to become the very best me. For those who haven't read my other blogs, catch up sometime to get a glimpse into my 2019. It has been crazy. But in short, I almost gave up my business. My dream. My passion. My God-given desire since I was 15 years old. Why? Comparison. Mom guilt. Wife guilt. Not feeling like I was doing enough for my family. Not feeling like the Proverbs 31 Wife. Not feeling like I could balance both business and family life.
What I've learned over time was that those moms that seem to have it all put together, my friends that stay at home with the beautiful looking kitchen and the well behaved kiddos, they are struggling too.
What I've learned is that God put a passion in me to be a businesswoman. He has put a deep calling on my life. When I almost gave it up, a part of me was dying inside. When I was dying inside, so was everything else in my life, including my home life. I am my best me when I am working on my purpose. I can still be a wife, a mom, a business owner, and do it all well.
What I've learned is that for some of my friends, God has put a passion in their heart to stay home with their kids.
What I've learned is that God's story for each and everyone of us is SO different and so beautiful. We can't compare our lives to the next persons.
And lastly, what I've learned from Proverbs 31 today is that God has created women strong. Ladies, It isn't our jobs to fix our husbands, our children, or anyone else. It is our job to take our God-given talents, whatever that may be, and become the best Proverbs 31 wife that we can be. And according to God's Word, that looks like this.
- She works eager with her hands. V.13
- She provides for her family. V.15
- She is wise with her money. V.16
- Her arms are strong for her task and she works vigorously. V.17
- She sees that her business is profitable. V.18
- She helps those in need. V.20
- She is not fearful for her household because she has did her best to take care of them. V.21
- She has dignity, strength, and never fears the future. V.25
- She speaks with wisdom and kindness. V.26
- She is never lazy, but takes care of her household. V.27
- She fears The Lord. V.30
Today, I will not apologize for being a working mom. I am fulfilling Proverbs 31 the way God intended for me to. I will not feel guilty for working on a God-given dream. I will do my best to see that my business is profitable and my family is taken care of.
Today, you will not apologize for being a stay at home mom. You are fulfilling Proverbs 31 the way God intended for you to. You will not feel guilty for napping when the kids nap. You will not feel guilty for having a girls night out.
Today, we will not compare ourselves to each other.
Today, we will stop trying to change our husbands and instead just focus on becoming the best we can.
I will never be the perfect wife, perfect business owner, or perfect mom, but I will do my very best at all three, because this cute little family below deserves that.
Keep rockin' it Proverbs 31 lady. :)